[McEnroe] It had been a week
since Devi's violent encounter
β
with the coyote,
β
but Paxton's words from the hospital
were still echoing in her mind.
β
That's why it's cool we're friends.
β
Of course he had friendzoned her.
β
She thought a wild animal was her dad.
β
As much as Devi wanted to be a chill girl
that you could have sex with,
β
she knew the truth:
she was a weird loser,
β
and a member of the UN,
β
and today was certainly
not gonna change that.
β
[sighs]
β
β
β
["Dum Maro Dum" playing]
β
[song continues]
β
[song stops]
β
Are you Princess Jasmine?
β
No, but thank you. She is very beautiful.
β
Ariel's prettier.
β
Where's Aladdin?
β
I don't have an Aladdin,
β
because he just wants to be friends.
β
Okay...
β
Hi. Can I have two black coffees
and one large hot chocolate?
β
But can you write latte on the cup?
β
I want people to take me seriously.
β
Oh, can my daughter take a photo with you?
You look so amazing.
β
β
β
No, thanks.
β
She'd really love to put it
on her Instagram.
β
[chuckles] It's so cultural.
β
I don't really feel at home right now
in my choice of clothing.
β
I mean, usually I don't,
but especially today.
β
She's just a little girl.
β
Okay, sir, you don't have
to say it like that.
β
I just don't want to take a photo.
β
Also, why do we have to commemorate
everything on social media?
β
Hmm? Why can't we just live in the moment?
β
You were on Twitter
the entire time you were in line.
β
You tweeted a "thank you" to a Target ad
telling you to have a happy Labor Day.
β
-[sighs] Fine. Let's just take the photo.
-Go.
β
[sighs]
β
-[camera clicks]
-Okay.
β
You want any doughnuts with that?
β
Yeah, Ira, I do, but I'm fasting today.
β
Oh.
β
Is it Ramadan?
β
[McEnroe] No, it's not, Ira.
β
Today is Ganesh Puja.
β
βͺ Check out the ammo
Protect the arsenal βͺ
β
[McEnroe] Looks like an ad
for India, right?
β
Or at least the middle
of an Indiana Jones movie, but it's not.
β
This is Ganesh Puja, baby.
β
Ganesh Puja is a Hindu holiday
celebrating Lord Ganesh,
β
and a time to share warm moments
with family.
β
Speaking of warm moments with family,
β
let's check in with the Vishwakumars.
β
Mom, this sari is so uncomfortable.
β
Why does it itch so much?
β
Itchiness of saris
is a rite of passage for Indian women.
β
Deal with it.
β
Why can't I just wear kurta and jeans
like I normally do?
β
Then I don't have to get half naked
every time I need to go to the bathroom.
β
Devi, you're of age now.
β
Half sari is more appropriate.
β
Ew, Mom. Don't say "of age."
β
It makes me sound like a girl
in a douche commercial.
β
-What is douche?
-OK, everyone stop talking about douche.
β
Lord Ganesh doesn't need
to see my daughter
β
in ripped jeans
and a "Fries Before Guys" t-shirt.
β
[McEnroe] Nalini was a little on edge.
β
This was the first puja they had gone to
β
since Mohan's untimely death
and Devi's paralysis.
β
Last week, Mrs. Iyengar asked
if we were going to show up at puja,
β
or whether we, quote,
"had too much going on."
β
I could just hear the pity in her voice.
β
Too much going on, for Ganesh Puja?
That bitch.
β
-Whoa.
-Auntie, you must calm down.
β
Why does the Hindu Association
have to have puja at my high school?
β
It's so low-rent.
β
Ben Gross's bar mitzvah
was at the Dolby Theatre.
β
They have the Oscars there.
β
Jewish people know how to save.
β
Us, Indians, we get a little bit of money,
β
we go straight to Home Depot
to buy a cement fountain.
β
We're just obsessed with fountains.
β
Oh, I love a fountain.
β
[sighs] Anyway, Devi,
β
you know Sanchiti Bhattacharyya
will be at puja, right?
β
You remember
her useless white husband Ron?
β
Turns out,
he's not that useless after all.
β
He runs the most exclusive
college counseling company in LA.
β
Ninety percent of their kids
get into Ivy Leagues.
β
And they are so elite,
β
they don't even
count Cornell and Penn as Ivies.
β
-He's so successful, he has his own Tesla.
-[car beeps]
β
I Zillow-ed his house.
β
Do you want to know
what the Zestimate was?
β
One point eight million dollars!
β
-Whoa. He loaded.
-Yes, he is.
β
Now, Ron doesn't take many kids, so...
β
if you want to go to Princeton,
you know what you need to do.
β
[sighs] I'm on it, Mom.
β
Winning over old-ass teacher types
is my super power.
β
[sighs] Good girl.
β
[chatter and drums in background]
β
Oh, god. Aunties approaching.
β
Don't look.
β
Where? Where should I not look?
β
[Devi] Damn it, Kamala.
β
[McEnroe] Aunties are older Indian women
who have no blood relationship to you,
β
but are allowed to have opinions
about your life and all your shortcomings.
β
You have to be nice to them
because you're Indian.
β
It's so good to see you, and Devi,
β
what a relief to see
you're no longer a cripple.
β
[woman] What a miracle.
β
I prayed for her every day.
β
I said, "No matter why you have chosen
to curse them,
β
please cure her as a reward
for my virtue."
β
[sarcastically] Thank you.
I'm sure your prayers did it.
β
Yes. Thank you for thinking of us.
How is Arjun?
β
You know Arjun.
He just installed a home theater.
β
Two rows of seats.
Dolby 5.1 surround sound.
β
Popcorn machine coming soon.
β
Sunu, they don't care
about your stupid home theater
β
with all they've been through.
β
I know exactly how you feel.
β
My husband, Pradeep,
had testicular cancer.
β
I'm so sorry for your loss.
β
Oh, no. He's fine.
β
It was stage one. They caught it early,
β
removed his testicle,
and now he's running the 10K.
β
[sarcastically] You're right.
Our situations are so similar.
β
Uh, you know my niece, Kamala, right?
β
Getting her doctorate at Caltech,
soon to be engaged...
β
to an engineer.
β
The boy's parents have two Mercedes.
β
-Two Mercedes?
-Lucky.
β
[McEnroe] As the aunties praised her,
Kamala had a sinking feeling.
β
She didn't want to get married,
β
but she put on a happy face
β
like I did at the trophy ceremony
β
when I lost the French Open
to Ivan Lendl in 1984.
β
I'm gonna go find Ron.
β
[sarcastically] Okay. I'll just stay here
and kill myself.
β
["Nagada Sang Dhol Baje" playing]
β
[McEnroe] Even though Devi was Indian,
β
she didn't think of herself
as Indian Indian like these girls,
β
which is a whole other thing.
β
So sometimes she felt
a little out of place.
β
They seem cool here,
β
but can you imagine how dorky
they would look doing this anywhere else?
β
That's my sister, Preethi.
β
Her Bollywood dance group
was in the Macy's Day Parade
β
on a float sponsored by Ziploc.
β
So who looks dorky now?
β
[McEnroe] Damn, Devi. Preethi's sister
really schooled you. Read the room.
β
[song continues]
β
-[Devi] Harish.
-Devi, hey.
β
I was hoping I'd see someone cool here.
β
Do you know if anyone like that is coming?
β
[scoffs] Ouch, burn.
β
So why are you at this lame-fest?
β
Shouldn't you be at Stanford, like,
playing frisbee with a computer?
β
I actually really wanted to come.
β
To Ganesh Puja?
β
At a public high school in the Valley?
Are you insane?
β
Tell me the truth.
Did they send you home on medical leave?
β
Are you suicidal from Accutane?
β
[laughs] No.
β
Look, I know
I used to clown on this every year,
β
but the truth is, I kinda miss puja.
β
Are you kidding?
β
When I get into Princeton,
I'm never coming back.
β
I'm gonna be an atheist,
who eats cheeseburgers every day
β
with my white boyfriend.
β
I thought I'd be that way too,
β
but it was different
when I went to college.
β
My roommate, Nick, is Native American,
β
and he's so into being Native American.
β
At first, I was like,
"You're away from your parents.
β
You don't have to pretend
to care about your ancestry or whatever."
β
But then he took me
to their campus powwow.
β
No one was standing in the corner
making fun of it.
β
They were dancing and chanting,
β
and having a great time,
and it made me think,
β
"Why do I think it's so weird
and embarrassing to be Indian?"
β
[sarcastically] Where do I start?
β
How about every single thing
my mom has ever said and done?
β
I just thought, "Am I gonna be
this insecure Indian guy,
β
who hates doing Indian things?"
β
'Cause that's its own identity.
It's just a shitty one.
β
Well, that's definitely not my identity.
β
I love being Indian. [scoffs]
β
[McEnroe] Real convincing, Devi.
β
I look more comfortable being Indian.
β
You need to spread Mohan's ashes.
β
I spread my mother's in the fountain
at the Bellagio.
β
She was a gambling addict.
β
That's very touching, um...
β
I just haven't had the time.
β
You know he cannot get into heaven
until you accept his death?
β
Oh.
β
I meant to ask you. Later today,
β
you think you can look at a few skin tags?
They're under my left breast.
β
I'm really looking forward to it. Yeah.
β
["Mehndi Laga Ke Rakhna" playing]
β
I'll find you later.
β
[song continues]
β
[McEnroe] This is Pandit Rajakrishnan,
β
but everyone calls him Pandit Raj.
β
He's the community spiritual leader
and also really knows how to work a room.
β
Now, everybody repeat after me.
β
[chants in Sanskrit]
β
Just kidding.
[chuckles] We'll do something easier.
β
[McEnroe] I like Pandit Raj.
He's got a good energy.
β
[Pandit] Come forward.
β
Have you spoken to Ron yet?
β
I've spent all morning kissing up
to Sanchiti.
β
I even told her
I would Botox her armpits for free.
β
Not yet. I can't find him.
β
You can't find
the one middle-aged white man
β
in a group of 500 Indian people?
β
Come forward.
We are ready for the next group.
β
-Give it to Pandit Raj.
-[Pandit] Nalini.
β
Thank you.
β
Pray you get into Princeton.
β
Don't waste your prayers
on stupid things like world peace.
β
[McEnroe] Praying had always been hard
for Devi.
β
It was so easy to get distracted.
β
First, she would start praying
for the health of her mom and cousin,
β
but then would veer off,
thinking about homework,
β
or how in this kneeling position,
she could smell her deodorant.
β
So she really had to focus
on what she wanted:
β
an acceptance letter
from the college of her dreams...
β
[squeals and cheers]
β
[Nalini] Princeton!
β
...a sudden maturing
in certain areas of her body...
β
Hey.
β
...unexpected overtures
from certain people at school...
β
I think I love you.
β
...and hearing her mother say
the thing she most longed for.
β
I'm so proud of you.
β
And you can get your septum pierced.
β
But this year was different.
β
She didn't want her usual things.
β
[laughs] Don't miss.
β
[Mohan] Ah!
β
[laughs] In your face.
β
She wanted something else.
β
[chanting]
β
Have tika.
β
[McEnroe] Meanwhile, Kamala knew
what exactly she was praying for.
β
For her fiance, Prashant, to fall in love
with someone in his doctorate program
β
at the University of Chicago,
β
and for their engagement to be over.
β
You do not wish to be married?
β
[McEnroe] Damn, Pandit Raj.
That's spooky as hell. You're good.
β
Your hair is so black.
β
When my sister's husband died,
she stopped coloring her hair.
β
Well, I didn't want
to let myself go completely.
β
Mohan wouldn't have wanted that.
β
You just don't want to give people
the wrong idea.
β
What idea? That I love my husband less
because my roots aren't showing?
β
Let's go inside.
β
I heard Roopa got fat.
β
[McEnroe] Bingo! White guy.
College counselor Ron.
β
Go get him, Devi.
β
Hey, are you Ron Hansen-Bhattacharyya?
β
Yes.
β
It's so nice to meet you.
My name is Devi Vishwakumar.
β
I'm a student
at this high school, actually.
β
Oh, cool.
β
Sherman Oaks High
is a good Ivy feeder school.
β
Although the college counselor Susan
is a joke.
β
Yeah. She's also the lunch lady.
β
-So, she's got a lot on her plate.
-Hmm.
β
I just wanted to say how interested
I would be in procuring your services.
β
Your stats are amazing.
β
Well, I don't know. I mean, I...
β
only got 28 kids into Ivies last year,
but I wanted 30.
β
The other two went to MIT,
β
but you can't win 'em all.
β
Well, I guess I can't relate
because I do win 'em all.
β
I'm in all AP classes
and got a perfect score on my PSAT.
β
[McEnroe] Great segue, Devi. Effortless.
β
All while volunteering
at the kidney dialysis center.
β
When I'm not doing that,
β
I read Vietnam vets
their Bill O'Reilly books.
β
Okay, look... I can say this
because I married an Indian woman
β
and am a proud member
of this vibrant community.
β
But schools don't want
another Indian try-hard,
β
who is president
of the padded resume club.
β
What? [scoffs]
β
Renal failure is what keeps me up
at night.
β
Colleges want kids with unusual stories.
β
I had this kid.
β
He got into a car crash.
He was dead a full 30 seconds.
β
He said god told him to go to Yale.
It worked.
β
Uh, I outgrew a nut allergy,
so that's something.
β
-I actually know who you are.
-You do?
β
You're the girl whose dad died
in front of her at a concert
β
and became paralyzed.
β
[McEnroe] Devi couldn't believe
that the major trauma of her life
β
could be reduced to a single sentence,
but there it was.
β
Yeah. What about it?
β
That story is freaking amazing.
β
You have the golden ticket.
If you're willing to talk about it,
β
I bet I can get you
into any school you want.
β
But Devi didn't want to use the story
of her father's death
β
as a way to make herself more interesting
to a bunch of admission committees.
β
No, I'm not gonna do that.
β
Well, without it, I don't get your angle.
β
To be honest,
I don't see how you would be different
β
than any other Indian kid
applying to college.
β
I'm not like any other Indian kid,
β
and I'm not interesting
just because my dad died.
β
Then what makes you interesting?
β
Oh, I don't know, Ron.
β
Maybe it's my perfect grades
or my killer test scores.
β
Or maybe it's my bitchin' personality
β
or my insane PowerPoint skills.
β
I don't need some washed-up white dude,
who leases a Tesla
β
telling me what makes me special.
β
Leasing is still a financial commitment!
β
And my monthly payment is quite high!
β
[Kamala] Oh, look, an open table.
β
No, no. Come, come.
β
Hey, kids, move.
β
Just take your slime and go.
β
Come on. People are still eating.
β
Why could we not sit there?
β
That's Jaya Kuyavar.
β
She came from Chennai,
went to UCLA for her doctorate,
β
parents found her a nice boy
back home to marry.
β
Then she ran off with an American man.
β
-A Muslim.
-[Kamala gasps]
β
Parents never spoke to her again.
β
Did they come for the wedding?
β
Are you out of your mind?
You heard me say he was a Muslim.
β
I feel bad for her.
β
-We should sit with her.
-Mm-mm.
β
Can't risk it right now.
β
We're already borderline outcasts.
β
Devi, what did you do?
β
I heard from half a dozen aunties
that you yelled at college counselor Ron,
β
and made fum of his electric car!
β
He deserved it.
β
He said I'm just like any other Indian kid
applying to college.
β
It was so offensive!
β
So disappointed in you.
β
[sighs]
β
-I'm gonna eat somewhere else.
-Please go.
β
Is this yours?
β
-Oh, thank you so much!
-Yeah.
β
You left it on the table.
β
The table you were sitting at
after you and your aunt
β
made a beeline to get away from me.
β
No, we weren't trying to avoid you.
β
You seemed so popular, we didn't want
to take up seats for your friends.
β
Oh.
β
Sure.
β
Hey, um... I need a break
from these aunties.
β
You want to go check out
the vending machines? My treat?
β
Okay.
β
Yeah, so basically, I'm the Hester Prynne
of the Indian community
β
in the San Fernando Valley.
β
I wish I had
a less ninth-grade-book analogy for it,
β
but it's accurate.
β
So you're ultimately very happy
with your decision
β
even though you got divorced?
β
Of course not.
β
[sighs] No.
β
I mean look at me.
β
My closest Indian friend
is a woman I met seven minutes ago.
β
No. I wish I had just listened
to my family
β
and married the guy that they chose.
β
Then maybe I wouldn't be divorced.
β
You know, my kids ask
about their grandparents,
β
and...
[sighs] I don't know what to tell them.
β
Maybe they'll get over it.
β
Do you have a sibling,
who could have a drug problem
β
or go to community college?
That would help.
β
No, I got two brothers,
both neurosurgeons,
β
had a double-arranged wedding
with millionaire Hindu sisters.
β
Oh. [laughs]
β
As my cousin would say,
"That sucks a fat one."
β
[chuckes] Yeah, I agree.
β
[sighs] Anyway, I think I'm going
to head out.
β
You know, these things
aren't really that fun
β
when everyone is whispering about you.
β
But hey, good luck on your engagement...
β
and don't screw it up, yeah?
β
[chuckles]
β
Devi?
β
Paxton! What are you doing here?
β
Swim practice.
What are you doing here?
β
Just... Ganesh Puja.
β
It's a weird Indian thing.
β
Oh.
β
What do you do for it?
β
We eat and pray to Ganesh.
β
[sighs] He's the elephant god.
β
He's sort of a big deal to Indians.
β
I mean Hindus.
β
'Cause, you know, there are
Muslim Indians, Sikh Indians, Jains, and--
β
-Honestly--
-You don't have to give me
β
the Wikipedia page on India.
β
Sorry.
β
So is part of Ganesh Puja
kicking lockers in anger?
β
No, that was unrelated.
That didn't have...
β
[chuckles] You were joking.
β
No, I just got mad,
which is something I'm working on.
β
You do have kind of a temper, huh?
β
It's not my fault.
β
Some old loser was telling me
that I'm too Indian,
β
and some other people think
I'm not Indian enough.
β
And honestly,
all I want to do is eat a doughnut,
β
but I'm stuck here.
β
Eh. Who cares what other people think?
β
You do you, Vishwakumar.
β
Also, you look cool in that outfit.
β
[McEnroe] Did he just say
she looked good?
β
Holy shit. Maybe she wasn't
as friendzoned as she thought.
β
Okay. I've had my fill of socializing.
β
-Are you ready to head home?
-Yeah.
β
-You see Devi anywhere?
-I do not.
β
Perhaps she's gotten her arms stuck
β
in the vending machine
trying to steal chips.
β
It's happened before.
β
I'll go check.
β
-Nalini.
-Yes?
β
Are you leaving?
β
Ah, yes. I think it's that time.
β
It was so great
to see you out of the house
β
-and Devi back on her feet.
-Thank you.
β
Let me know if she stops walking again,
β
because I have a cousin in medical sales
β
who can get you
a very nice wheelchair for cheap.
β
Hello, ladies.
β
-Namaste, Pandit Raj.
-Hello, Pandit-ji
β
Would one of you
be able to give me a ride?
β
[McEnroe] The day had been a long one
for Nalini,
β
and she needed a win,
even if it was a small one.
β
I can.
β
Oh, wonderful. Could you take me
to The Home Depot?
β
It would be my pleasure.
β
Great. There's a beautiful fountain
I've had my eye on.
β
[Pandit] This is very kind of you.
β
I could've taken an Uber.
β
Our Pandit in an Uber?
β
What's next?
Prime Minister Modi on Postmates?
β
Over my dead body.
β
I really enjoyed puja today.
β
I like the incense you used.
β
It was like we were in a cannabis store.
β
Thank you. You can buy it on my website...
β
Anyhow, I hope you all found some clarity
in your prayers today.
β
For sure. One hundred percent.
β
Very much so, Pandit-ji.
β
[Pandit] Wonderful.
β
Thanks for the ride.
β
I found the car very comfortable.
β
Our pleasure, Pandit-ji.
β
Though there is pain,
β
the pain will subside
because you are a good family.
β
And god will always see that.
β
[recites blessing in Sanskrit]
β
Where do you want to go to college?
β
-[sighs] Princeton.
-I will bring it up to god personally.
β
[both chuckle]
β
Thanks for the ride. Go, Lakers!
β
β
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β
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β